For many years I explained the mediation process as a journey. I used Wall Drug as the destination and the bumper sticker as a distraction along the way. I thought it was a great analogy, a clever one, that really helped people understand the process so it would be more clear and less stressful. I thought the analogy would calm people, reduce emotions and build rapport. I thought I was really smart, but I was the one chasing a bumper sticker.

It is so important to listen to the people you work with and pick up on their hints. Many of the attorneys would gently tease me about my analogy. One gave me the sticker pictured above. Another gave me a souvenir cup. Eventually one of the attorneys gave me some feedback and told me the analogy wasted their time and confused their clients. The direct suggestion was to stop using it or many might stop using me regardless of the settlement outcomes we get. It took that friendly suggestion to get the message through my somewhat old and very prideful brain. Hopefully it got through in time to avoid the loss of clients.

Lessons are important and come at a price. Listen well, listen closely, listen without the thought of being a clever person, and perhaps the tuition won't be too great. (That was a metaphor so I'm good. Right?)

I have stopped using my "clever" analogy and reworked the explanation of the mediation process remembering that the attorneys I work with prepare their clients for the experience.

#mediation #listen #conflict #resolution #adr #lessons #mediator #clevernotsomuch

Elliot Herland
November 6, 2019